0 comments Thursday, September 27, 2007

By now you've probably seen (or at least heard about) the compromising pictures of Oscar De La Hoya. If you haven't, it's not too hard to find them. Basically he is wearing panties and a wig and can be seen posing in positions that wouldn't exactly be described as masculine.

There has been much debate over the legitimacy of the photos. Stripper Milana Dravnel, seen in the photos with DLH, claimed they were real, then abruptly changed her story and admitted to faking them.

I will let other, less sophisticated bloggers debate whether the photos are real. Instead I raise the following question.

1 comments Thursday, September 20, 2007

Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb made headlines recently by saying that black quarterbacks come under heavier scrutiny than their white counterparts. This comes after two lackluster performances by McNabb and an 0-2 start by the Eagles.

For the record, McNabb is correct. When it comes to his position there is still a considerable amount of racism in the NFL. Whether they are conscious of it or not, the brains behind many NFL teams clearly consider race as a factor when choosing a quarterback. It was this kind of thinking that sent Warren Moon to the Edmonton Eskimos in 1978.

Flash forward to 2006. Vince Young of the Texas Longhorns single handedly powers his team to the national championship and in the process turns in one of the greatest performances in team sports history in the Rose Bowl. He is arguably the best player available in the NFL draft and he plays the most important position on the field, quarterback.

He was not taken first in the draft despite his size, speed, throwing accuracy, arm strength, and proven ability to come through in a close game. Instead he was taken 3rd.

The reason Vince Young was taken 3rd and not first? He did not score well on the Wonderlic test, an intelligence test used by the NFL to determine if a player (particularly a quarterback) is smart enough to handle the complicated offenses and defenses of professional football.

The two players taken ahead of him, Mario Williams and Reggie Bush are both playing well for their respective teams but neither has had any where near the impact of Vince Young. He won rookie of the year and became the first rookie QB to play in the pro-bowl, clearly proving he is intelligent enough to handle the intricacies of an NFL offense.

So while I do think the NFL and the media surrounding it have come a long way since the days when it was accepted that blacks couldn't play quarterback, I do think that on some level this fallacy still persists in the minds of many.

Donovan McNabb on the other hand is completely washed up and currently holds the title of the most overrated player in the NFL. Last year after going 5-4 he got hurt then back up Jeff Garcia came in, went 5-2 and led the Eagles to the playoffs after everybody thought the season was over. This year he plain old stinks, but that doesn't make his statement any less true.

1 comments Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Not watching the Emmy awards the other night got me thinking. Who are the 5 funniest people on TV? I’m not talking about who is the best actor or any of that bullshit.  Straight up, who are the 5 funniest people on American TV right now?  Keywords being right and now.

Here they are.

5) Kenneth from 30 Rock (NBC)

4) Johhny Drama from Entourage (HBO)

3) Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock (NBC)

2) Murray from Flight of the Conchords (HBO)

1) Creed from the Office (NBC)

Honorable Mentions: Tracey Jordan, 30 Rock. Liz Lemon, 30 Rock.  Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm.


0 comments Wednesday, September 12, 2007

So a Texas Longhorn fan walked into a bar in Sooner country and left his balls inside. That's not a bad joke, it's one man's sad existence. Here is the real story.

OK, so his balls weren't completely ripped off, but they were dangling around his knees when he left so we can assume they're useless. How does something crazy like this happen in a sane world? Let me explain.

Basically what you have is a big guy (the Texas fan) and a little guy (the Oklahoma fan). The big guy probably walks into this bar wearing his favorite Texas shirt, expecting to get a little ribbing. He probably hears a few wise cracks, whatever. Then this little guy gets a few beers in him and starts mouthing off. Big guy has just about enough so he gets its in the little guy's face, thinks he's going to teach him a lesson. Now the little guy, he's not stupid, this dude has 40lbs on him so what's he do? He goes for the groin. Smart move. The big guy left himself open by wearing basketball shorts into the bar and the little guy took advantage and was able to wiggle his hand up there, grab hold of those plums and yank them like he was ringing a bell.

What's the big guy do now? Well, he has two choices. He could use his thumbs to permanently blind the man. That is probably his best bet, but as the article clearly states, the little guy can still see. So he missed that boat. This leaves him with option number two: find where the little guy lives and kill him in the night while he's sleeping. Good luck big guy.

1 comments Thursday, September 06, 2007

I get about 4 new credit card applications in the mail every week and if you have a pulse you probably get them too. These letters say you've qualified for some special deal, but really they are saying "please sign up for a credit card, buy something you don't need and miss a payment so we can bleed you like a leech." If I want a credit card I will take the necessary steps to get one, end of story.

I am starting a new trend that will hopefully put an end to these obnoxious credit card mailings and I'm asking you to join me. It only takes about 30 seconds of your time. From now on, every time you get a new credit card application simply open it up and remove the pre-paid return envelope from the rest of the crap inside. Take the application and whatever else is in there and shred it. Now take the shredded application, stick it in the pre-paid envelope and drop it in the mail.

Why should you be the one who has to throw that crap away? Let them do it. And since these scumbags are paying for postage, why not make them use it. Hopefully after they get about 100,000 of these they'll get the idea.

*If you don't have a shredder just tear it up, but I would remove any pieces containing your name and throw them away before you send it back just to be safe.

Please forward this idea to everybody or link them back to this page.


0 comments Sunday, September 02, 2007

You've probably heard by now that Senator Larry Craig of Idaho was arrested for disorderly conduct in a men's room at the Minneapolis/ St. Paul airport. That can mean almost anything because disorderly conduct is a pretty far reaching term. Chances are you know somebody who got slapped with a disorderly conduct charge after their liquor got the better of them. In Senator Craig's case, however, disorderly conduct means trying to catch a handjob from a stranger while completely sober. This begs the question: can we file Senator Craig in that folder of conservative pundits like Pastor Ted Haggard and Congressman Mark Foley who stand firmly against homosexuality by kneeling down for a face full of cock?

Not so fast.  Representative Foley is a pedophile with a taste for young boys and working knowledge of the Internet.  Pastor Ted likes to get high on meth and top off his night by paying for sex with dudes. Those cats are fags.  

Larry Craig isn't gay. Larry Craig was lonely. People get lonely all the time.  Don't try to tell me you never got lonely in a turnpike bathroom and sought the warm refuge of another man's penis. I don't want to hear your lies and I don't have time for liars. If you want to sit there in front of your computer and tell me you've never felt all alone in the world while you pinched a loaf in an airport bathroom you're either a conjoined twin or a fucking liar.   Which one is it? 

Nobody likes being lonely and anybody will tell you that airport bathrooms and turnpike rests stops are two of the loneliest places in the world. It doesn't make you a gay if you and a couple of random dudes get together to make the loneliness go away then go home to your wives and never talk about it ever again. Quite the contrary. That is normal, Larry Craig is normal. You are the weird one with the other person growing out of your spine. You are the freak, the rest of us get lonely.

If you want to see that folder I was talking about, here it is.