Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I know, I know. Everybody is sick and tired of hearing about the bat demon that's been terrorizing the people of Tanzania. But just to recap, as of today it has raped at least 4 women and bitten off the tip of a man's penis.

This reminds me of another story, a tale so gripping and disturbing that it's been etched in my brain forever . It's the tale of a night-predator so brash that once you hear it you will never sleep the same. I am of course referring to...The Bojangler.

Be forewarned: The following story and all of it's terrifying intricacies are entirely, 100% true.

During the academic year of 2004, the Bojangler terrorized the students of Middlebury College in Vermont. An internet search of the topic will uncover no record of the following events because the story was buried, but as any one of the survivors will tell you - it happened.

Middlebury is a very liberal university where students often do not lock or even close their dorm rooms as it is common for them to drift from one room to another, socializing well into the night. But even the most liberal of schools was not ready to embrace... The Bojangler.

One day, a student woke in his bed to find a stranger lying next to him, gently cupping his balls. When the boy screamed the stranger bolted and so it was, the young man had been Bojangled. The scream woke his roomate, but by then the Bojangler had vanished.

Similar events transpired over the next few weeks as students woke up next to a strange man. Sometimes he would be cuddled up next to them resting his strange head on their lap. Other times he would be gazing longingly into their eyes or running his hands through their hair, but usually he gently cupped their balls.

Everyone who would come to be Bojangled told a similar story, that he became frightened upon their waking and sprinted out of the room before anyone got a real good look at him. Many who were Bojangled did not come forward due to fear of being ridiculed or simply because in their confused state thought what just transpired was part of a dream, nay nightmare. Thus, the exact number of people that it happened to is unknown, but estimates range from 7 to 12.

There was no evidence that the Bojangler did any sort of physical damage or caused any bodily harm, but try washing off the feeling of having slept next to a stranger as he gently cupped your balls. That's a long shower.

The closest anyone ever came to catching the Bojangler was when a student managed to grab the sleeve of his jacket, forcing the Bojangler to relinquish it rather than be apprehended. The jacket was turned over to the police and put through a series of tests, all which came back inconclusive, i.e. there was nothing magical about the jacket.

There you have it. The Bojangler's super powers were not derived from his jacket. Not much else is known about him, and so the mystery remains. If you or someone you know has been Bojangled, please come forward because somewhere out there the Bojangler lurks, waiting to Bojangle the innocent.


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