tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-318627382024-03-07T19:44:05.487-08:00VerborrheaAn incessant, overwhelming cascade of words that flow off the screen into the toilet that is your mind.Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.comBlogger104125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-58629795590671845852012-09-14T18:28:00.000-07:002012-09-14T18:31:01.412-07:00The Standing OI was curious about the longest standing ovations in history, but wasn't able to find a definitive list. This is my attempt at creating one.<br />
<br />
There are likely many undocumented standing ovations longer than these. Supposedly Stalin would shoot the first person who stopped clapping at his speeches and that usually resulted in some long standing ovations, but for the sake of this list I'll consider that cheating.<br />
<br />
Here are some notable standing ovations:<br />
<br />
<u>Academy Awards</u><br />
Hollywood, CA 1972 - Charlie Chaplin returned to the United States after more than 20 years of self imposed exile. Traditionally the final Oscar of the evening is awarded to Best Picture, but the Academy saved his return for last. After awarding the 1971 Best Picture to the French Connection, a retrospective of Chaplin's career was played and when the lights came back on, the 82 year old icon was already on the stage. The audience erupted at the sight of him and broke into a record <b>12 minute</b> standing ovation to close the show.<br />
<br />
<u>Sports</u><br />
Montreal, Quebec, Canada 1996 - After the Canadiens played their final game in the Montreal Forum a number of past players were welcomed onto the ice. When Maurice "Rocket" Richard was introduced to the crowd he was overwhelmed by a standing ovation that would last over <b>16 minutes</b>.<br />
<br />
Baltimore, Md 1995 - Career .276 hitter, Cal Ripken jr was playing in his 2131st consecutive game when the bottom of the fifth inning started, giving him the official record for most consecutive games played. The crowd rose to its feet and gave Ripken a <b>22 minute</b> standing ovation while play stopped so he could parade around the entire field.<br />
<br />
<u>On stage</u><br />
Vienna, Austria 1991 - Placido Domingo was the recipient of an <b>80 minute </b>standing ovation that included 101 curtain calls after what must have been a particularly strong rendition of Guiseppi Verdi's Otelo. This is believed to be the longest standing ovation in recorded history.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-60876637563333025222009-01-02T10:36:00.000-08:002009-01-02T10:44:39.780-08:00Don't be alarmedHappy New Year everybody.<div><br /></div><div>There is an elevator in my building. I usually take the stairs, but I took it yesterday and noticed a sign that said the following:</div><div><br /></div><div>Should the elevator doors fail to open do not become alarmed. Please use the button marked "Alarm".</div><div><br /></div><div>Good to know.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-83073419163557105842008-12-14T17:44:00.000-08:002008-12-14T17:54:04.934-08:00Shoe attackAn Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at President Bush during a press conference in Iraq over the weekend. Here is the video:<div><br /></div><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9uIj0YvDBKE&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9uIj0YvDBKE&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br />I'm not exactly a Bush fan, but nobody should be throwing anything at him. Atleast not while he's president and especially not in another country. But my real issue is not that this guy threw a shoe. It's that he had time to take off a second shoe and throw that too. This is the President of the United States we are talking about. Once that first shoe left this dude's hand secret service should have been all over this guy like LT on <a href="http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2005/12/26/sports/26monday.jpg">Joe Theisman</a>. <div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-9461021208185135302008-12-03T14:44:00.000-08:002008-12-03T15:01:32.063-08:00NetflixDear Netflix,<div> I have Netflix. Everyone I know has Netflix. Stop sending me shit. Every day I check my mail I think there's a new movie waiting for me and 9 times out of 10 it's a flyer asking me to buy Netflix for somebody else. It's not fucking happening. I'm not giving anybody the gift of Netflix this Christmas because everybody already has Netflix. And even if they didn't I wouldn't buy it for them because that is about the lamest fucking present you can give somebody*.</div><div><br /></div><div>*If you gave the gift of Netflix this year, I hope I offended you because you're an ass.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-22308969407976181072008-11-21T16:45:00.000-08:002008-11-22T11:27:22.290-08:001: Corinthians 13:11I went to a party where everybody was playing Guitar Hero and the strangest thing happened. I got this uncontrollable urge to give somebody a wedgie. True story.Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-29204007188161619462008-11-17T14:22:00.000-08:002008-11-17T14:41:15.839-08:00Alter egosThere is something really pretentious about releasing an album under a fake identity like Beyonce's upcoming <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27330555/">Sasha Fierce</a> project. But Sasha Fierce only scores about a 3 on the "I'm a douchebag scale". Remember Garth Brook's gay alter ego, <a href="http://b4.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00359/41/28/359858214_l.jpg">Chris Gaines</a>? That's about a 9.5. <div><br /></div><div><div>I do like it when comedians do this. Call it a double standard, but it's funny and entirely un-douchey. Blue Brothers, Spinal Tap, Tony Clifton, Borat, <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/93/Vincentlaguardiagambinialbum.jpg">Vincent Laguardia Gambini</a>; I enjoyed them all.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-28076514652062182152008-11-14T14:06:00.000-08:002008-11-14T15:12:09.041-08:00Necessary luxuryOccasionally I take a minute out of my day and ponder why I, like so many Americans, have no money. Everyone knows the usual suspects: high gas prices, loan payments, credit cards etc. But it <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">occurred</span> to me, as it may have to you, that we have increasingly more "necessities" now than in the past.<div><br /><div>For most of us, a cell phone is no longer a luxury item. I don't know a single person under 30 without one and I'd have to strain to think of a person under 50 without one. Simply put, it has become a necessity. Soon this will be the case for a smart phone (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">iphone</span>, blackberry, etc.) and the incurring data plan that comes with it. Email has become a necessity, so has a home <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Internet</span> connection. </div><div><br /></div><div>The <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">bare bones</span>, no frills consumer is getting squeezed out of the things he once enjoyed. I don't have cable television and as a result I'm unable to watch what I would consider the basic staples of American sports, events that were, for as long as I can remember, enjoyed by millions of Americans for free. I can't watch Monday Night Football anymore. I couldn't watch 22 of the 28 playoff games played this baseball season. Same goes for the NBA playoffs and any football game played on a Thursday night. </div><div><br /></div><div>Many things you once enjoyed for free you now have to pay for, whether it's listening to your favorite radio program or watching your favorite sports team play. If you want to be a functioning member of society, you need a cell phone, a computer and a monthly subscription to operate both. I don't have a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">land line</span>, cable <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">TV</span>, or a data plan for my phone. I have the cheapest cellphone plan of anyone I know and the best deal on cable <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Internet</span> going today and I still pay upwards of 75 dollars a month for services that I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">literally</span> can not be without.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-8650769370615146782008-11-06T13:49:00.000-08:002008-11-06T20:54:50.211-08:00Election recapIf this wasn't the greatest election of my life, it certainly was the grandest. It lasted nearly two years and was the most expensive campaign ever. These were some of my favorite moments:<br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Jan 07</span> - Senator Joe Biden calls Barack Obama <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16941976/">"articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy"</a> two days into his campaign, ending any chance he had of winning.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">2/10/07</span> - Barak Obama formally announces he will run for President.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">5/27/08 </span>- John McCain formally announces he will run for President.</div><div><img src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/chuck_norris.jpg" style="float:right; width: 200px; " border="0" /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">6/13/07 </span>- Obama girl debuts on youtube.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">10/22/07</span> - Chuck Norris endorses Governor Mike Huckabee.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">12/13/07</span> - Oprah Winfrey endorses Obama.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">1/3/08</span> - Obama wins Iowa Caucus.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">2/5/08</span> - Super Tuesday - the Democratic race is still unresolved.</div><div><img src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/RevWrightboogah1.jpg" style="float:right; width: 200px; " border="0" /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">3/4/08</span> - McCain clinches Republican nomination.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">3/18/08</span> - Obama gives his a speech on race in response to the fall out over Rev. Jeremiah Wright. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">6/7/08</span> - Hillary Clinton concedes, endorses Obama.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">8/22/08</span> - Joe Biden is selected as the Democratic candidate for Vice President.</div><img src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/sarah_palin2.jpg" style="float:right; width: 150px; " border="0" /><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">8/29/08</span> - Governer Sarah Palin is selected as John McCain's running mate.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">9/24/08</span> - McCain suspends campaign to fix economy days before the first presidential debate.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">10/7/08</span> - McCain refers to Obama as "that one" during second debate.</div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">10/14/08</span> - Joe "The Plumber" becomes a public figure after Obama tells him he wants to "spread the wealth around". </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">10/19/08</span> - Fmr. Secretary of State, Colin Powell endorses Obama.</div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">10/22/08</span> - McCain activist, Ashley Todd claims she was mugged and beaten by an Obama supporter.</div><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">10/24/08</span> - Todd admits to fabricating her story.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">11/4/08 </span>- Barack Obama wins election.</div><img src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/large_THEFOUR.jpg" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;;width: 453px; height: 320px;" border="0" alt="" />Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-66828015559675292202008-11-03T16:03:00.000-08:002008-11-03T16:59:38.099-08:00Election day give-a-waysThis is the big one, America. If you're not pumped, nervous, excited, or slightly worried then take your head out of your ass and pick an emotion. Here is a list of places giving away free stuff to voters:<div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.starbucks.com/">Starbucks</a>: Tell them you voted and get a free cup of coffee, America.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.benjerry.com/features/i_voted/">Ben & Jerry's</a>: Get a free scoop of icecream. Go USA!</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.krispykreme.com/images/hot_vote_now08_pop.jpg">Krispy Kreme:</a> Show your "I voted" sticker and get a free Election Day donut or depending on your spelling preference, Doughnut, America.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.credomobile.com/misc/electionfreeday.aspx">CREDO Mobile:</a> If you suscribe to CREDO Mobile (who?) then you get free outgoing domestic calls as long as the polls are open. America!</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.marketwire.com/press-release/Shane'S-Rib-Shack-909183.html">Shane's Rib Shack:</a> Get a free "Vote America Meal", America. That's three chicken tenders, fries and a 20 oz drink. Just show them your "I voted" sticker.</div><div><br /></div><div>U.S.A! </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-7875102578192259852008-11-02T09:27:00.000-08:002008-11-02T09:32:19.639-08:00Nov 4th Ballot props 9-12The remaining 4 measures on this Tuesday's ballot:<br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><div><br /></div>Prop 9:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"> Victims rights and protection act</span><br /><br />How I’m voting: NO<br /><br />Why: The majority of what this measure proposes is sound and a ‘yes’ vote wouldn’t really be a bad idea. Some of it seems unnecessary though. Among other things, this wants to stop the early release of criminals due to overcrowded prisons, but that doesn’t even happen on the state level and that’s where they keep anybody serving more than 2 years. A ‘no’ vote keeps things the way they are now and that doesn’t cost any more than it already does.<br /><br /><u>Why you should vote yes:</u> You want fewer parole hearings for prisoners.<br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Prop 10: California Alternative Fuels Initiative</span><br /><br />How I’m voting: NO<br /><br />Why: Originally I supported this measure, but the arguments against it changed my mind. This authorizes 5 billion in bonds to be used as incentives to get people to buy clean vehicles, but the vast majority of that will go to big companies with large fleets of cars. Boone Pickens’ company has spent upwards of 17 million to get this passed and if it does he will reap huge profits. If the economy didn’t have two feet in the shitter and if we didn’t already have a big state deficit I might have gone the other way.<br /><br /><u>Why you should vote yes:</u> You plan on buying a car that runs on something other than gas.<br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Prop 11: Redistricting, ‘Voter’s First Act’</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>How I’m voting: YES<br /><br />Why: It makes sense to me and I can’t find any sort of hidden agenda behind it. Once every ten years the state re-draws the boundaries of the 120 legislative districts. Currently the state legislature does that by itself, this creates a commission to do it. 99% of incumbents win under the current system so you know that the state legislature doesn’t want that to change…scumbags.<br /><br /><u>Why you should vote yes:</u> You are a state representative and you don’t want to lose your seat.<br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Prop 12: Veterans Bond Act</span><br /><br />How I’m voting: YES<br /><br />Why: This allows the state to sell 900 million dollars in general obligation bonds for the use of low interest home loans for California veterans. The loans would be repaid by the veterans who receive them, but because the money is coming from general obligation bonds, the tax payers are responsible to cover the difference if the veterans in the program can not fully cover the amount owed. BUT, they’ve been doing this since 1921 and the veterans have always been able to repay their debts.<br /><br /><u>Why you should vote no:</u> ?<br /><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-25772448825641944582008-11-01T13:14:00.000-07:002008-11-01T13:18:54.615-07:00Nov 4th Ballot props 5-8As promised, here is my take on measures 5 through 8.<br /><br /><b>Prop 5: Nonviolent Offender Rehabilitation Act</b><br /><br />How I’m voting: NO<br /><br />Why: This reduces jail time for a variety of non violent crimes like dealing meth and identity theft which aren’t exactly victimless. Meth dealers are scumbags who practice bootleg chemistry in trailer parks and they belong in jail for more than 3 months at a clip. Also there is a potential loop hole for violent offenders to get out of jail by claiming a drug addiction was responsible for their behavior.<br /><br /><u>Why you should vote yes:</u> You like to carry an ounce of weed on you at any given time. You want the tweaker who stole your shit to go to rehab instead of jail.<br /><br /><b>Prop 6: Police and Law Enforcement Funding. Criminal Penalties and Laws </b><br /><br />How I’m voting: NO<br /><br />Why: This was another tough call. There are a lot of things in this measure that I like such as requiring sheriffs to notify Immigration and Customs Enforcement when an illegal alien is charged with a violent crime, but overall it is a little far reaching for something that will divert tax dollars away from other programs.<br /><br /><u>Why you should vote yes:</u> You live in a gang infested area. You are a police officer. You aren’t voting to fund some of the other measures on the ballot.<br /><br /><b>Prop 7: Renewable energy generation initiative statute.</b><br /><br />How I’m voting: NO<br /><br />Why: I’m not going to lie. I didn’t read all the text for this measure because it’s like 40+ pages and pretty much devoid of any attention-keeping value. I did read the arguments and rebuttals and here’s what I came away with: the Republican, Democratic, Libertarian and Green Party are all against prop 7 for a variety of reasons, but all seem to think it is poorly written and that fits with what I thought when I was trying to read it.<br /><br />Why you should vote yes: Danny Glover supports it.<br /><br /><b>Prop 8: Eliminates rights of same-sex couples to marry.</b><br /><br />How I’m voting: NO<br /><br />Why: If this was a vote on giving gay dudes a separate locker room at the gym I’d be all for it. But that doesn't change my belief that you should be able to marry whoever you want, where and whenever you want and I have no problem with schools teaching kids that some men marry men and some women marry women. Gay people exist and forbidding them from getting married isn’t going to make them go away. <br /><br />Why you should vote yes: You believe homosexuality is a disease that spreads through tolerance and education. You’re a weirdo who thinks this is a slippery slope that ends with people marrying their pets.<br /><br /><br />Tomorrow: Measures 9-12 Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-65188145089321406662008-10-31T19:36:00.000-07:002008-10-31T19:56:26.313-07:00California Ballot Props 1A -4For anyone voting in California that doesn't know yet how they are voting or does and would like to discuss it, this is how I am voting:<br /><br />Q) Why should you listen to me? A) You shouldn't, you should make up your own mind, but I read the entire voter information guide and we both know you didn't. Also, I'm probably smarter than you.<br /><br /><br /><b>Prop 1A: Safe, reliable high speed passenger train bond act.</b><br /><br />How I’m voting: YES<br /><br />Why: Despite being an extremely costly (9.5 billion) and potentially problematic undertaking, a bullet train connecting San Francisco to Los Angeles and eventually San Diego and San Jose could be a tremendous success. With consistent travel at speeds of more than 200mph this would greatly reduce travel time, airline congestion and interstate highway traffic. It will also reduce California’s CO(2) emissions and reliance on foreign oil.<br /><br />Why you should vote no: You are skeptical of state funded undertakings of this magnitude. You work for an oil company. You work for an airline.<br /><br /><b>Prop 2: Standards for Confining Farm Animals </b><br /><br />How I’m voting: NO<br /><br />Why: I spent more time thinking about and researching this measure than any of the rest and in the end it was probably the most difficult to decide on. I am completely in favor of giving pigs and calves adequate room to move around and if that were all this mandated then it would be a no-brainer, but this also bans the cages that farmers use to keep hens. I have to believe that if we passed this measure we would see farmers pick up and move to a state which allows them to use the equipment they currently have. The opponents of this measure say that hens kept outside are at risk for bird flu. I don’t believe that will be a real problem, but it is a scary thought. Finally I don’t want to import eggs from other states if we don’t have to, let alone Mexico.<br /><br />Why you should vote yes: You already limit your egg purchases to those from free range hens. You believe the scumbag farmers who mistreat animals will stay put and abide by the new law rather than move their business elsewhere.<br /><br /><b>Prop 3: Children's Hospital Bond Act</b><br /><br />How I’m voting: YES<br /><br />Why: 980 million is a hefty sum especially when you consider the current economic outlook and state deficit, but I can’t in good conscious vote for a high speed train and not vote to fund children’s hospitals.<br /><br />Why you should vote no: If you can sleep at night, do it<br /><br /><b>Prop 4: A 48 hour waiting period and parental notification before the termination of a minor’s pregnancy.</b><br /><br />How I’m voting: NO<br /><br />Why: I am not a pregnant teenager and I don’t know what it’s like to be one. I can’t pretend to know the reasons, valid or otherwise, that would cause a teenager to hide an abortion from her parents. Also (this is pure speculation on my part) if this were indeed the law, a scared and emotionally distraught girl might be more likely to attempt the procedure herself. <br /><br />Why you should vote yes: You have a promiscuous teenage daughter.<br /><br />Props 5-8 tomorrowLomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-1147479262687888202008-10-28T15:18:00.000-07:002008-10-28T23:14:07.402-07:00This kid rules<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.candyvote.com/"><img style="float:right; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px; height: 355px;" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3285/2955253045_f8e0da8909_b.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>Meet Moey Rojas. In addition to having a really cool name, he has a pretty neat idea for a Halloween costume and his own website, <a href="http://www.candyvote.com/">Candyvote.com</a>. <div><br /></div><div>He and his parents have fashioned a costume that will allow neighbors to vote for the candidate of their choice as he goes door to door. He will even give the neighbors a sticker that shows they voted. At the end of the night he will post the results online.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is the good stuff that we need more of.</div><div><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-2173067740638061802008-10-27T15:58:00.000-07:002008-10-27T16:03:24.047-07:00Another silly letter<div style="text-align: right;"> October 27, 2008 <br /></div>George Weston Bakeries<br />Consumer Relations Department<br />P.O. Box 976<br />Horsham, PA 19044<br /><br /><br />Dear Sir or Madam,<br /><br />As I’m sure you’re well aware, I have, over the years, occasionally made claims to be Sal Entenmenn, heir to the Entenmenn fortune. Although I’ve never benefited financially as Sal, I have used him to score with dozens of impressionable women. Yes, Sal Entenmenn and his empty promises of Ferrari rides and private getaways have served me quite well over the years. That is why I would like to take this opportunity to give something back to him and by him, I mean you.<br /><br />Without getting too much into the details of my exploits, I would like to share with you something you may find appealing. It’s not long after people find out that I’m heir to the Entenmenn fortune that they tell how much they enjoy the crumb cake, specifically the crumbs. That is why I began telling people that I, Sal Entenmenn, have created Entenmenn’s "Bucket O’ Crumbs".<br /><br />Let me explain the concept. You take the same crumbs that are on the crumb cake and you put them in a bucket. You don’t put the cake in the bucket, only the crumbs. I repeat: <u>there is no cake in the bucket</u>. Sal Entenmenn is all about giving the people what they want. Whether it’s a great night and a really disappointing morning or their favorite part of the cake, I think the people deserve it. Thank you.Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-1984151945727226612008-10-24T08:49:00.000-07:002008-10-24T15:51:13.032-07:00I don't buy it.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/smells_like_bullshit.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 290px; height: 218px;" src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/news005.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The story:</span> McCain supporter and white person, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashley_Todd">Ashley Todd</a> was mugged at an ATM in Pittsburgh. What makes this story interesting is that after her attacker, a "big black guy", took her 60 dollars he noticed a McCain sticker on her car. Seeing it made him so black and angry that he punched her in the head and carved a backwards "B" in her face. The "B" is believed to stand for "Barack", but it could also stand for "black" or "big black penis".<div><br /></div><div>Enter logic: Either A) there is a very large, angry, dyslexic black man roaming the streets of Pittsburgh with 60 dollars in his pocket or B) somebody is lying.</div><div><br /></div><div>Silly white girl. You should have carved an "O" in your face. Nobody is dumb enough to make a backwards "O".</div><div><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-18754201867354338862008-10-15T21:40:00.000-07:002008-10-28T15:42:27.787-07:00Halloween and perverts<div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2008/oct/15/pumpkin-marks-sex-offenders-homes/" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="text-decoration: underline;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; " src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/20081014-224243-pic-543593599_r350x.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />Sex offenders in Maryland are now required to post this sign on their door and turn out their lights on Halloween. Those who do not post the signs and remain at home will be taken to court and charged with a violation of parole.<br /><br />I get what they are trying to do here, but I have some problems with it.<div><br />1) Sex offenders have the best candy. That's a fact. Let's say 100 kids show up at Mr. Ticklefinger's door. Ok? 99 are walking away with Hershey bars.</div><div><br />2) That's all I got. They're kid touchers for fuck sake, I did my best.<br /><br /><div><br /></div></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-55929981703738897322008-10-14T11:59:00.000-07:002008-10-23T12:02:51.060-07:00Gold Peak Tea<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.goldpeaktea.com/"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px;" src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/lg_goldpeak_sweetened.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><div><br /></div><div>I just tried the green tea variety of Coca Cola's new Gold Peak iced tea and... that was a mistake. Like an ass, I didn't read the label before I bought it so I didn't notice the 44 grams of sugar they stuffed into a 16 ounze bottle until it hit my lips. </div><div>I didn't even realize it was made by Coke until I tasted it and knew something had gone horribly wrong. It was so sweet I seriously thought for a second I was drinking pancake syrup. </div><div><div><div><br /></div><div>One packet of sugar contains 4 grams, so yes, I just drank 11 packets of sugar. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div><a href="http://www.diabetes.org/home.jsp"><img src="http://www.minimus.biz/images/F08-0106700-1100bg.jpg" style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px;" border="0" alt="" /></a><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>If we were at a restaurant together and you ordered an iced tea then started pouring sugar in it, I would have to ask you to leave the table once you cracked open the 5th packet. By the 8th packet I am deleting you from my phone and we are no longer friends. If I drove, you are walking home or to the dentist or wherever it is crazy people like you need to go when you're done being crazy. If you made it to 10 packets and I am still in the restaurant I am wrestling your voter registration card away from you and tearing it into a thousand pieces because people like you shouldn't be allowed to have a say in how our society operates. <br /></div><div><br /></div></div></div></div></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-34982632543762726002008-10-13T15:09:00.000-07:002008-10-13T16:11:00.268-07:00Talking doll upsets America<div>Parents around the country are concerned that a new talking doll from Fisher Price is saying something they don't want their kids to hear. The doll is supposed to coo and make babbling baby noises like a good, Jesus loving American baby, but what it actually says is "Islam is the light". </div><div><br /></div><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2psa8U0S2T8&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2psa8U0S2T8&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />The president of Fisher Price, Asif Abdul Muhammed, said "the doll does not contain any hidden messages and will remain in stores... Insha'Allah."Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-76521910946585758612008-10-06T19:34:00.000-07:002008-10-06T21:21:03.768-07:00ChartsIt's no secret: I like charts. I want to make my own charts (and graphs) that I hope will someday be a major part of this blog. I'm using <a href="http://www.adobe.com/products/illustrator/">adobe illustrator</a> and so far I'm pretty lousy. If' you're a psycho or just really observant, you will have noticed that I've widened the margins of the website. That is to make room for all these bad ass charts. <div>So let me tell you a little bit about this first one. It is a pie chart of Steven Seagal's first 30 roles. He played a cop or ex-cop 12 times, a CIA agent or a spy 5 times and fuck it, that's what the chart is for.</div><div><br /><div><img src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/seagalroles.jpg" style="width: 520px;" border="0" alt="" /><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-25101607078291365902008-10-03T11:50:00.000-07:002008-10-03T23:31:02.370-07:00VP Debate<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/vice_presidential_debate.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 250px;" src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/vice_presidential_debate.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><div>You saw the wink, right? When she did that I was like "ohhhhhhh snap!" Biden was not ready for that shit. She was like "gee, gee, golly, gosh...WINK!" Wink to the face, America!</div><div><br /></div><div>Then Ol 'plugs' Biden started breathing all heavy on the mic like he was trying not to punch somebody. It was crazy, yo!</div><div><br /></div><div>But who won? That's what people want to know. That's what I wanted to know. So I went to 5 different websites to see what the polls said. </div><div><br /></div><div>According to the voters on the Drudge report, Palin won by a landslide. Not as big as the landslide that Joe Biden won by according to the poll conducted by MSNBC, but a landslide nontheless. Let's take a look at the numbers, shall we?<br /><img src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/debate.jpg" alt="as of 4pm 10/03/08 " width="440" /><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So what exactly does this mean? Aside from proof that internet polls are worthless, nothing!</div><div><br /><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-82113387060164902062008-09-29T14:47:00.000-07:002008-09-29T14:55:43.430-07:00It's official!<div>Using a photo lifted from Google image search and Microsoft paint I have created this timely political cartoon.<br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/humor-brick.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px;" src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/humor-brick.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><div><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-53197127154044664402008-09-26T10:25:00.000-07:002008-10-06T18:17:00.466-07:00McCain wins debate, crushes laws of physics!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/2008/09/mccain_wins_debate.html?nav=rss_blog"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px;" src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/26Sep_Friday_WSJ.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><div>John McCain, winner of tonight's yet to occur presidential debate, has not only vanquished his democratic opponent, he has bested the space-time continuum. </div><div><br /></div><div>The complicated laws of space-time which govern our universe came up short against the crafty Senator from Arizona. In a brilliant move, Senator McCain pretended to call off the debate so he could return to Washington and fix our economic woes. But while a dummy McCain sat quietly through the emergency bailout meetings, the real McCain was in Mississippi, 36 hours ahead of everyone else.</div><div><br /></div><div>The critics who <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">chastised</span> McCain for suspending his campaign, flying to Washington and sitting on his hands, not talking, not offering an opinion, not really doing anything while his peers discussed how to solve the problems on Wall Street, will be shocked to learn that was only a dummy. The real McCain tore through the fabric of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">space</span>-time like it was a pair of delicate panties.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>McCain reemerged from the future this morning, covered in a thin layer of goo and looking fatigued when he declared his victory by way of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Internet</span> advertising. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-44883615670106758762008-09-23T15:36:00.000-07:002008-09-23T16:51:30.305-07:00obligatory Clay Aiken is gay post<div><br /></div>Oh man. Did Lohan pick the wrong week to fake being gay or what?<br /><img src="http://cache.defamer.com/assets/images/defamer/2008/09/claygay.jpg" /><div>What would have had to happen for something other than this story to make the cover of People magazine? Travis Barker and DJ AM almost died in a fiery plane wreck and all they got was a tiny little box off to the side. Same with the people who got all dolled up for the Emmys. Tough shit ladies, Clay Aiken is gay!</div><div><br /></div><div>You want to know what's gay? Coming out of the closet in People magazine is gay. George Michael came out after he got caught trying to pass himself off in a turnpike shithouse. That's how a man comes out of the closet, with a dick in his hand, not holding a baby.</div><div><br /></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-19477979268300765972008-09-22T23:32:00.000-07:002008-09-23T00:31:49.325-07:00GyllenhaaledYou know how when an actor gets replaced by another actor on a TV show or in a sequel, like they did with Mrs. Banks on the Fresh Prince. I call this getting gyllenhaaled. Because when Tobey Maguire said he hurt his back filming Seabiscuit and didn't want to shoot some of the scenes in Spiderman 2, the producers threatened to replace him with Jake Gyllenhaal. And when Katie Holmes couldn't cut the mustard in Batman they replaced her with Maggie Gyllenhaal. And on the TV show Entourage, when the fictional Vinnie Chase decided not to star in Aquaman 2 and they replaced him with you guessed it...Jake Gyllenhaal.<br /><br />But did you know?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100504/">Rock and Roll High School Forever</a> starring Corey Feldman was supposed to also star Corey Haim, but he got gyllenhaaled because he was all fucked up on the drugs so an actor by the name of Evan Richards did a Corey Haim impersonation instead. Now dig on this: Corey Feldman, who provided the voice of Donatello in the first <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100758/">Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles</a>, got gyllenhaaled out of the sequel because he was all fucked up on you guessed it...the drugs. He did come back for the third installment.<br /><br />For my money though, the greatest gyllenhaaling of all time: the <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088763/">Back the Future</a> trilogy. Everybody knows Elizabeth Shue gyllenhaaled the girl who played Marty's girlfriend in part I, but did you know this: Crispin Glover played <a href="http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0001830/">George McFly</a> in the first one, but Jeffrey Weissman portrayed him in parts II and III. Through the use of prosthetics and a really good Crispin Glover impersonation almost nobody could tell.Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31862738.post-51577888954096614432008-09-19T10:59:00.000-07:002008-09-19T17:33:41.141-07:00Blaine goes upside down<img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 210px" alt="" src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/Miniwit/image_19097.jpg" border="0" /> <div>Unless you've been living under a rock, you already know that "endurance artist", David Blaine has announced his newest and most dangerous stunt. </div><div><br /></div><div>Starting September 22<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">nd</span> he will be suspended 50 feet above Central Park's <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Wollman</span> Skating Rink, without a net, for 60 straight hours.</div><div><br /></div><div>But don't worry. He will be using magnetic boots so there is absolutely zero chance of him falling. And he'll be above a skating rink so it will be really hard to throw shit at him from the slippery ice below.</div><div><br /></div><div>The real danger will be taking place inside Blaine's body where the rush of blood to his head could cause him to go blind and/or have a brain hemorrhage. He also faces the very real threat of pissing in his own face which could contribute to the blindness thing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Blaine's past stunts include being <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">buried</span> underground and being encased in a block of ice. He holds the world record for holding one's breath and has taken the world's longest shower.</div><div><br /></div><div>In addition to his death defying stunts, he is an accomplished magician and bullshit artist, most famous for his failed attempt to make Dick Cheney appear likable.</div><div></div>Lomaxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14016156217869321829noreply@blogger.com0