3 comments Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Britney Spears joined Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton as the latest celebrity to flaunt her sloppy vag in front of paparazzi yesterday in what was obviously a premeditated event. What she should have done was strap on some kind of prosthetic penis and dangle that out the bottom of her skirt. Let the paparazzi snap a few pics of that, cause a real stir.

Click to see Britney's vagina.

3 comments Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Al Pacino is a big big star. As of today he's appeared in more than 45 films. Granted he’s only played 3 characters but he’s been fantastic as each one. Problem is, not everybody can afford a big star like Pacino. So sometimes they get Andy Garcia, the poor man’s Al Pacino. Thing is, a poor man’s Al Pacino is still pretty expensive so sometimes they have to get Anthony LaPaglia, the poor man’s Andy Garcia. Even his price is a little high for some so they go and get Ron Silver, the poor man’s Anthony LaPaglia a.k.a. the poor poor poor man’s Al Pacino.

The
Al Pacino Succession.

Al Pacino

Andy Garcia, the poor man's Pacino

Anthony LaPaglia, the poor poor man's Pacino

Ron Silver, the homeless man's Pacino

1 comments Monday, November 20, 2006

Once upon a Thursday, many years ago, after they landed on Plymouth Rock, but before they started burning witches, the Pilgrims sat down with the Indians and begat a tradition. They called it Thanksgiving because they thanked the Indians for their food and gave them smallpox.

Thanksgiving is the most underrated holiday of all mantimes. Why? Because unless you’re selling turkeys or cranberries, Thanksgiving isn’t making you any cash. And since very few people can profit from it, it gets overlooked. There are no costumes to buy, cards to mail, flowers to send, or presents to give. There is only turkey.

In a consumer driven society filled with green beer, candy hearts, President’s day sales, and bunnies that have nothing to do with resurrections, Thanksgiving stands alone as an untouchable, mascot free holiday.

Besides that, it'is the most unabashedly American day of the year. It's as complex and dynamic as our history and culture. It is a time for being grateful, a tradition of the best intentions, yet simultaneously a reminder of a past marred with unforgivable grievances.

Don’t fuck with Thanksgiving.

2 comments Tuesday, November 14, 2006

If I asked what your opinion of K-Fed is, chances are you'd have something negative to say. Why? Because you don't like his music or his attitude? That's funny because all he's doing is living the American dream. Do you hate America?

Some jealous loser painted a target on this dude's back and now he's the guy everyone can make fun of without catching shit for it. But not this asshole. I like this guy K-Fed, I like his style. I'm not going to shit on his lawn like everybody else. I've never heard his music and I don't need to. It probably sucks, but so does 2/3 rds of the shit on the radio. I'm tired of people making fun of safe celebrities. Grow some fucking balls and make fun of the real shit out there and the idiots who support it. I'll get you started.

Jojo: Fuck Jojo, I'm tired of her. Tired, tired, tired, TIRED of Jojo.
Chad Kroeger: The dump I took this morning sounded better than Nickelback. Where is the justice in a world where this guy gets laid?
Fergie: This idiot is making 10 times as much money as you. Think about that.

    0 comments Monday, November 06, 2006

    If you've ever been in a bar fight and didn't put your drink down, you may want to think about taking a little break from drinking.

    2 comments Wednesday, November 01, 2006

    Who up and decided pants should have a complete and total monopoly on bottomwear? I'm tired of pants. There are all types of underwear: boxers, briefs, boxerbriefs, thongs. Yet there is only pants. Pants suck, they squeeze your balls too much. Imagine if other products squeezed your balls as much as pants do. What if your new tv squeezed your balls every time you tried to watch it? Or what if that garage door opener you just installed gave your balls a squeeze every time you parked your car? I doubt you'd put up with it for very long. Yet here you sit, reading this very sentence, while a pair of no good pants has your balls in a vice. Fuck pants.