0 comments Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I can't get my itunes to show the umlauts in Mötley Crüe and I am stickler for authenticity.  Any suggestions?  Anybody?

1 comments Friday, October 12, 2007

So the big story is Al Gore winning the peace prize which is a joke on its own. Here are the other winners:

MEDICINE goes to Mario R. Capecchi, Sir Martin J. Evans and Oliver Smithies for "their discoveries of principles for introducing specific gene modifications in mice by the use of embryonic stem cells."

CHEMISTRY has been awarded to Gerhard Ertl "for his studies of chemical processes on solid surfaces."

PHYSICS has been awarded to Chad Kroger for "successfully converting fecal matter into sound waves."

LITERATURE goes to Dorris Lessing, the English novelist whose "prolific writing extends from the realistic to the fabulous."

0 comments Wednesday, October 10, 2007

If you've ever been pulled over or arrested, you know how helpless you can feel being at the mercy of the police. They have all the power and there is nothing you can do to even the playing field unless you feel like getting tasered or tacking on charges to your sentence.

Fear not, I have come up with a plan. Next time you are being frisked, handcuffed, or restrained, try this little tactic. Allow the policeman to do his job, then calmy tell him that you must confess, you are hiding something that may be illegal in the back of your underpants. Then take a shit right there in your pants, just go ahead and crap yourself. He will reach into your backside and sink his hand into a nice warm turd.

If you're questioned about it, say you got so nervous that you lost control and shit yourself. That isn't a crime.

Feel free to try this next time you're randomly selected at the airport.