Sunday, September 02, 2007

You've probably heard by now that Senator Larry Craig of Idaho was arrested for disorderly conduct in a men's room at the Minneapolis/ St. Paul airport. That can mean almost anything because disorderly conduct is a pretty far reaching term. Chances are you know somebody who got slapped with a disorderly conduct charge after their liquor got the better of them. In Senator Craig's case, however, disorderly conduct means trying to catch a handjob from a stranger while completely sober. This begs the question: can we file Senator Craig in that folder of conservative pundits like Pastor Ted Haggard and Congressman Mark Foley who stand firmly against homosexuality by kneeling down for a face full of cock?

Not so fast.  Representative Foley is a pedophile with a taste for young boys and working knowledge of the Internet.  Pastor Ted likes to get high on meth and top off his night by paying for sex with dudes. Those cats are fags.  

Larry Craig isn't gay. Larry Craig was lonely. People get lonely all the time.  Don't try to tell me you never got lonely in a turnpike bathroom and sought the warm refuge of another man's penis. I don't want to hear your lies and I don't have time for liars. If you want to sit there in front of your computer and tell me you've never felt all alone in the world while you pinched a loaf in an airport bathroom you're either a conjoined twin or a fucking liar.   Which one is it? 

Nobody likes being lonely and anybody will tell you that airport bathrooms and turnpike rests stops are two of the loneliest places in the world. It doesn't make you a gay if you and a couple of random dudes get together to make the loneliness go away then go home to your wives and never talk about it ever again. Quite the contrary. That is normal, Larry Craig is normal. You are the weird one with the other person growing out of your spine. You are the freak, the rest of us get lonely.

If you want to see that folder I was talking about, here it is.


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