Monday, February 19, 2007

We've been in Iraq for more than three years and some would argue that things are worse now than when we invaded. Even if you subscribe to the idea that we are making progress you have to admit it is coming along much slower than anticipated. Here is my solution:

We bombard them with porn. We can drop it from the sky. Not video tapes that could land on somebody's head and hurt them, but magazines. Millions of them. We round up every issue of Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, Swank, Taboo, Juggs, Backdoor monthly, Leg show, and Nugget that we can find and we drop them by the thousands into Iraq. Then we project as many porno movies as we can onto the sides of whatever buildings are left standing.

Why? Because every 13-year-old would be suicide bomber is going to be fighting over the latest issue of Bottoms Up. Because every sexually repressed 30-year-old virgin is going to disappear into a dimly lit basement and come out wanting more . And because every machine gun toting insurgent will realize that while he's fighting for his 70 virgins he could put his gun down, embrace democracy and have all the sex he can afford.

"That's silly, it will never work" you say. Oh, really? Fact: after hunger, the sex drive is the strongest urge in the human body (heroin not with standing). Fact: Men like porn. Fact: This culture is roughly 700 years behind the west in terms of sexual freedom and expression. Essentially we'd be dropping Jenna Jameson into the middle ages. Fact: It's a lot harder to shoot a rifle with a boner.

Want to win the war? Want to save some lives? Drop the P-Bomb in Iraq.

Peace.

1 comments:

ShortieShortHotPants said...

Scarily enough, I agree with this...

It would totally work.

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