Verborrhea

An Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at President Bush during a press conference in Iraq over the weekend.  Here is the video:

I'm not exactly a Bush fan, but nobody should be throwing anything at him.  Atleast not while he's president and especially not in another country.   But my real issue is not that this guy threw a shoe.  It's that he had time to take off a second shoe and throw that too. This is the President of the United States we are talking about. Once that first shoe left this dude's hand secret service should have been all over this guy like LT on Joe Theisman.

Labels: politics

Dear Netflix,

Labels: netflix

I went to a party where everybody was playing Guitar Hero and the strangest thing happened.  I got this uncontrollable urge to give somebody a wedgie.  True story.

Labels: nerds

There is something really pretentious about releasing an album under a fake identity like Beyonce's upcoming Sasha Fierce project.  But Sasha Fierce only scores about a 3 on the "I'm a douchebag scale". Remember Garth Brook's gay alter ego, Chris Gaines? That's about a 9.5.  

Occasionally I take a minute out of my day and ponder why I, like so many Americans,  have no money.  Everyone knows the usual suspects: high gas prices, loan payments, credit cards etc. But it occurred to me, as it may have to you, that we have increasingly more "necessities" now than in the past.

Labels: money

If this wasn't the greatest election of my life, it certainly was the grandest. It lasted nearly two years and was the most expensive campaign ever.  These were some of my favorite moments:

Labels: politics

This is the big one, America.  If you're not pumped, nervous, excited, or slightly worried then take your head out of your ass and pick an emotion.  Here is a list of places giving away free stuff to voters:

Labels: politics

The remaining 4 measures on this Tuesday's ballot:

Prop 9: Victims rights and protection act

How I’m voting: NO

Why: The majority of what this measure proposes is sound and a ‘yes’ vote wouldn’t really be a bad idea.  Some of it seems unnecessary though.  Among other things, this wants to stop the early release of criminals due to overcrowded prisons, but that doesn’t even happen on the state level and that’s where they keep anybody serving more than 2 years.   A ‘no’ vote keeps things the way they are now and that doesn’t cost any more than it already does.

Why you should vote yes: You want fewer parole hearings for prisoners.

Prop 10: California Alternative Fuels Initiative

How I’m voting: NO

Why: Originally I supported this measure, but the arguments against it changed my mind. This authorizes 5 billion in bonds to be used as incentives to get people to buy clean vehicles, but the vast majority of that will go to big companies with large fleets of cars. Boone Pickens’ company has spent upwards of 17 million to get this passed and if it does he will reap huge profits. If the economy didn’t have two feet in the shitter and if we didn’t already have a big state deficit I might have gone the other way.

Why you should vote yes: You plan on buying a car that runs on something other than gas.

Prop 11: Redistricting, ‘Voter’s First Act’

Labels: politics

As promised, here is my take on measures 5 through 8.

Prop 5: Nonviolent Offender Rehabilitation Act

How I’m voting: NO

Why: This reduces jail time for a variety of non violent crimes like dealing meth and identity theft which aren’t exactly victimless. Meth dealers are scumbags who practice bootleg chemistry in trailer parks and they belong in jail for more than 3 months at a clip. Also there is a potential loop hole for violent offenders to get out of jail by claiming a drug addiction was responsible for their behavior.

Why you should vote yes: You like to carry an ounce of weed on you at any given time. You want the tweaker who stole your shit to go to rehab instead of jail.

Prop 6: Police and Law Enforcement Funding. Criminal Penalties and Laws 

How I’m voting: NO

Why: This was another tough call. There are a lot of things in this measure that I like such as requiring sheriffs to notify Immigration and Customs Enforcement when an illegal alien is charged with a violent crime, but overall it is a little far reaching for something that will divert tax dollars away from other programs.

Why you should vote yes: You live in a gang infested area. You are a police officer. You aren’t voting to fund some of the other measures on the ballot.

Prop 7: Renewable energy generation initiative statute.

How I’m voting: NO

Why: I’m not going to lie. I didn’t read all the text for this measure because it’s like 40+ pages and pretty much devoid of any attention-keeping value. I did read the arguments and rebuttals and here’s what I came away with: the Republican, Democratic, Libertarian and Green Party are all against prop 7 for a variety of reasons, but all seem to think it is poorly written and that fits with what I thought when I was trying to read it.

Why you should vote yes: Danny Glover supports it.

Prop 8: Eliminates rights of same-sex couples to marry.

How I’m voting: NO

Why: If this was a vote on giving gay dudes a separate locker room at the gym I’d be all for it. But that doesn't change my belief that you should be able to marry whoever you want, where and whenever you want and I have no problem with schools teaching kids that some men marry men and some women marry women. Gay people exist and forbidding them from getting married isn’t going to make them go away.  

Why you should vote yes: You believe homosexuality is a disease that spreads through tolerance and education. You’re a weirdo who thinks this is a slippery slope that ends with people marrying their pets.


Tomorrow: Measures 9-12 

Labels: politics

For anyone voting in California that doesn't know yet how they are voting or does and would like to discuss it, this is how I am voting:

Q) Why should you listen to me? A) You shouldn't, you should make up your own mind, but I read the entire voter information guide and we both know you didn't. Also, I'm probably smarter than you.


Prop 1A: Safe, reliable high speed passenger train bond act.

How I’m voting: YES

Why: Despite being an extremely costly (9.5 billion) and potentially problematic undertaking, a bullet train connecting San Francisco to Los Angeles and eventually San Diego and San Jose could be a tremendous success. With consistent travel at speeds of more than 200mph this would greatly reduce travel time, airline congestion and interstate highway traffic. It will also reduce California’s CO(2) emissions and reliance on foreign oil.

Why you should vote no: You are skeptical of state funded undertakings of this magnitude. You work for an oil company. You work for an airline.

Prop 2: Standards for Confining Farm Animals 

How I’m voting: NO

Why: I spent more time thinking about and researching this measure than any of the rest and in the end it was probably the most difficult to decide on. I am completely in favor of giving pigs and calves adequate room to move around and if that were all this mandated then it would be a no-brainer, but this also bans the cages that farmers use to keep hens. I have to believe that if we passed this measure we would see farmers pick up and move to a state which allows them to use the equipment they currently have. The opponents of this measure say that hens kept outside are at risk for bird flu. I don’t believe that will be a real problem, but it is a scary thought. Finally I don’t want to import eggs from other states if we don’t have to, let alone Mexico.

Why you should vote yes: You already limit your egg purchases to those from free range hens. You believe the scumbag farmers who mistreat animals will stay put and abide by the new law rather than move their business elsewhere.

Prop 3: Children's Hospital Bond Act

How I’m voting: YES

Why: 980 million is a hefty sum especially when you consider the current economic outlook and state deficit, but I can’t in good conscious vote for a high speed train and not vote to fund children’s hospitals.

Why you should vote no: If you can sleep at night, do it

Prop 4: A 48 hour waiting period and parental notification before the termination of a minor’s pregnancy.

How I’m voting: NO

Why: I am not a pregnant teenager and I don’t know what it’s like to be one. I can’t pretend to know the reasons, valid or otherwise, that would cause a teenager to hide an abortion from her parents. Also (this is pure speculation on my part) if this were indeed the law, a scared and emotionally distraught girl might be more likely to attempt the procedure herself. 

Why you should vote yes: You have a promiscuous teenage daughter.

Props 5-8 tomorrow

Labels: politics

Meet Moey Rojas. In addition to having a really cool name, he has a pretty neat idea for a Halloween costume and his own website, Candyvote.com.  

Labels: Halloween, politics

George Weston Bakeries
Consumer Relations Department
P.O. Box 976
Horsham, PA 19044


Dear Sir or Madam,

As I’m sure you’re well aware, I have, over the years, occasionally made claims to be Sal Entenmenn, heir to the Entenmenn fortune. Although I’ve never benefited financially as Sal, I have used him to score with dozens of impressionable women. Yes, Sal Entenmenn and his empty promises of Ferrari rides and private getaways have served me quite well over the years. That is why I would like to take this opportunity to give something back to him and by him, I mean you.

Without getting too much into the details of my exploits, I would like to share with you something you may find appealing. It’s not long after people find out that I’m heir to the Entenmenn fortune that they tell how much they enjoy the crumb cake, specifically the crumbs. That is why I began telling people that I, Sal Entenmenn, have created Entenmenn’s "Bucket O’ Crumbs".

Let me explain the concept. You take the same crumbs that are on the crumb cake and you put them in a bucket. You don’t put the cake in the bucket, only the crumbs. I repeat: there is no cake in the bucket. Sal Entenmenn is all about giving the people what they want. Whether it’s a great night and a really disappointing morning or their favorite part of the cake, I think the people deserve it. Thank you.

Labels: letters

The story:  McCain supporter and white person, Ashley Todd was mugged at an ATM in Pittsburgh. What makes this story interesting is that after her attacker, a "big black guy", took her 60 dollars he noticed a McCain sticker on her car.  Seeing it made him so black and angry that he punched her in the head and carved a backwards "B" in her face.  The "B" is believed to stand for "Barack", but it could also stand for "black" or "big black penis".

Labels: liars, politics

Sex offenders in Maryland are now required to post this sign on their door and turn out their lights on Halloween. Those who do not post the signs and remain at home will be taken to court and charged with a violation of parole.

I get what they are trying to do here, but I have some problems with it.

Labels: Halloween, Pederasts

Labels: product review

The president of Fisher Price, Asif Abdul Muhammed, said "the doll does not contain any hidden messages and will remain in stores... Insha'Allah."

Labels: toys

It's no secret: I like charts. I want to make my own charts (and graphs) that I hope will someday be a major part of this blog.  I'm using adobe illustrator and so far I'm pretty lousy.  If' you're a psycho or just really observant, you will have noticed that I've widened the margins of the website. That is to make room for all these bad ass charts. 

Labels: chart, Seagal

Labels: chart, politics

Labels: economy, politics, poop

Labels: McCain, politics, space-time

Oh man.  Did Lohan pick the wrong week to fake being gay or what?

Labels: clay aiken, gay hollywood

You know how when an actor gets replaced by another actor on a TV show or in a sequel, like they did with Mrs. Banks on the Fresh Prince.  I call this getting gyllenhaaled. Because when Tobey Maguire said he hurt his back filming Seabiscuit and didn't want to shoot some of the scenes in Spiderman 2, the producers threatened to replace him with Jake Gyllenhaal.  And when Katie Holmes couldn't cut the mustard in Batman they replaced her with Maggie Gyllenhaal.  And on the TV show Entourage, when the fictional Vinnie Chase decided not to star in Aquaman 2 and they replaced him with you guessed it...Jake Gyllenhaal.

But did you know?

Rock and Roll High School Forever starring Corey Feldman was supposed to also star Corey Haim, but he got gyllenhaaled because he was all fucked up on the drugs so an actor by the name of Evan Richards did a Corey Haim impersonation instead.  Now dig on this: Corey Feldman, who provided the voice of Donatello in the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, got gyllenhaaled out of the sequel because he was all fucked up on you guessed it...the drugs.  He did come back for the third installment.

For my money though, the greatest gyllenhaaling of all time: the Back the Future trilogy. Everybody knows Elizabeth Shue gyllenhaaled the girl who played Marty's girlfriend in part I, but did you know this: Crispin Glover played George McFly in the first one, but Jeffrey Weissman portrayed him in parts II and III.  Through the use of prosthetics and a really good Crispin Glover impersonation almost nobody could tell.

Labels: Gyllenhaal

Labels: David Blaine

On my way to work this morning I saw a woman pushing a dog in a stroller.  The following took place inside my brain over the course of about one second:

Labels: dogs, psychos

For the first time in the history of the world, something other than porn is attracting the most Internet traffic.  According to a new study out of Australia, social networking sites are now the most visited destinations online, usurping the previous king of the Internet... titties.   Oh really?

Labels: internet, porno

Allow me to revisit something that happened a while back.  John Edwards, while running for President, cheated on his wife... who was recovering from cancer.  His political career is over.  I think we can agree on that.  Why he would risk what he risked when he risked it is beyond me.  But hold on, that's not exactly why I'm so perplexed.  

His mistress gave birth to a baby and he was asked if the baby was his.  He claimed there was no way it could be his because of the timing of the affair.  Stop.  Does anybody else see a problem here?  How about "There is no way it could be mine because I wore a rubber."  Anybody?

Am I crazy?  Because basically he is saying, "yeah, not only did I cheat on my wife who had cancer while I was running for president, I went in bareback and blew a load in this chick, but don't be crazy, the kid's not mine, the timing's all wrong".  

Does anybody really think for a second that it's not his kid? I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but for fuck's sake.  How about throwing a dome on it, Johnboy.

Labels: John Edwards, politics, rubbers

Righteous Kill was #3 at the Box Office!

Labels: Pacino, poll

The McCain campaign took full advantage of Obama's choice of words this week, contorting them into a much talked about ad.  Here is it:

But what's this?  Oh snap!  It's Senator McCain using the same, very common expression.

Labels: McCain, politics

  If you don’t know who you’re voting for yet then you probably haven’t been paying attention. If you have then you’ve no doubt heard discussions about what makes someone qualified to be President. This is about when somebody yells something about experience and if you’re still listening then you’re already heading down the wrong path. The question you need to be asking yourself up to and until you cast your precious vote, is not who is the most qualified, but who will actually make the best president. It’s true that what makes up the most qualified candidate and what makes up the best choice for president often overlap, but in the end they are different questions.

  Not always, but often enough, when someone votes for who they think the most qualified candidate is, what they are really doing is voting against someone else, someone they believe or fear does not have what it takes to be our president. This is not the case when someone genuinely votes for who they think will be the best president, when they vote for the candidate they think will take our nation the furthest, the person they believe will do the most to better their own life and the lives of their friends and family. That person has truly voted for someone.

 Another problem with giving an inordinate amount of weight to being qualified is that qualification is largely determined by experience and no one is more experienced than a sitting president. This of course goes against a fundamental principle of our democracy, makes up part of the reason why we actually hold elections in the first place and is the defining reason why we do not elect kings.

 It’s easy to see why qualification is such an overvalued factor. There is, after all, no test a presidential candidate can take to show what kind of job he would do and if elected and only time can tell how good of a job he actually did. We can, however, look at history and see that some of our greatest presidents were not necessarily the most qualified candidates. Our greatest president, Abraham Lincoln, did not attend college and his highest office prior to becoming president was congressman. His opponent, Stephen A. Douglas was a college graduate, a senator, and it I’m sure it was argued, the most qualified person for the job.
 
 In this day and age it is safe to assume that if you’ve made it as far as your party’s nomination you are adequately qualified to hold the office. Trying to determine which candidate is more qualified should be a brief discussion among discussions about who will be the best person to lead our nation.

Labels: politics

Why?

Labels: Cage