John McCain, winner of tonight's yet to occur presidential debate, has not only vanquished his democratic opponent, he has bested the space-time continuum.
The complicated laws of space-time which govern our universe came up short against the crafty Senator from Arizona. In a brilliant move, Senator McCain pretended to call off the debate so he could return to Washington and fix our economic woes. But while a dummy McCain sat quietly through the emergency bailout meetings, the real McCain was in Mississippi, 36 hours ahead of everyone else.
The critics who chastised McCain for suspending his campaign, flying to Washington and sitting on his hands, not talking, not offering an opinion, not really doing anything while his peers discussed how to solve the problems on Wall Street, will be shocked to learn that was only a dummy. The real McCain tore through the fabric of space-time like it was a pair of delicate panties.
McCain reemerged from the future this morning, covered in a thin layer of goo and looking fatigued when he declared his victory by way of Internet advertising.