Monday, July 09, 2007

It takes a lot of balls to walk out of your house with a rug on your head. And nowadays with hair regrowth treatments getting better and baldness more fashionably acceptable than ever before, the amount of balls it takes to put a toupee on your head and parade it around like it's your real hair is simply mind boggling.

Before I go any further, I don't want to hear any bullshit about "so and so doesn't wear a wig". Yes he does, and you are wearing a wig over your eyes if you don't think so.

Without further adieu, I give you the 5 ballsiest mother fuckers in the world.

5. Sam Donaldson - the news anchor has been the poster boy for toupee wearers for more than 40 years.

If there is a toupee wearer's hall of fame, Sam Donaldson is in it. No one has swung thier balls in the face of America longer than Sam Donaldson.

He is so closely associated with the toupee that if you're talking to someone who is unfamiliar with toupees, you can simply say "you know, like Sam Donaldson."

4. Ben Affleck- or as I call him Wig Wearin' Ben Affleck.

When he burst onto the scene in the late 90s, Wig Wearin' Ben Affleck's hair line was three quarters of an inch north of where it is today.

It's tough being a movie star because you have to look good all the time, especially when you can't rely on your acting chops to get you through the ups and downs of a career in hollywood. Wig Wearin' Ben has done pretty well for himself if you ask me.

3. David Thomson - Canada's richest man.

Don't let his geekish looks fool you. This guy is no computer whiz, he inherited his 22 billion dollars from his father.

What's the point of having all that money if you can't swing your balls in a great many faces? This man has 22 billion dollars, that’s exactly twenty one billion nine hundred ninety nine million nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred eighty two more dollars than he has hairs on his head. That's ballsy!

2. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - President of Iran.

This guy is considered one of the biggest threats to the United States. If his balls are big enough to walk around with that ridiculous wig on the top of his head, they are big enough to shun UN weapons inspectors.

Clearly this man doesn't give a fuck what people think about him, so long as they don't think he's bald. Does he have a nuclear weapon? I don't know. Does he have a persian rug sitting on the top of his head? Yes. Are his balls firmly pressed up against the face of the world? Yes indeed.

1. The dude from Quiet Riot.

This cat just don't give a fuck. He was balding...nay bald, in the mid 80s. He resurfaces in the late 90s with hair curtains that look like something out of Amadeus.

The sheer audacity of his wig catapults him the front of this list. He absolutely rules and his balls are the size of dinner plates.



Calvin Brock said...

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