Friday, June 08, 2007

It has been requested that I give my two cents on Paris Hilton's sentencing. I was previously asked to weigh in on Michael Richard's racial trade and I did not, so I thought it only fair to speak on behalf of Ms. Hilton. I'll do my best to make it entertaining.

If getting 45 days in jail seems a little harsh for driving on a suspended license that's because it is. Chances are if you were in the same predicament as Ms. Hilton, you'd do a weekend in the slammer and then a year or so probation.

That being said, a crime of this nature is punishable by 45 days in jail and it's up to the judge to decide how much of that the defendant should serve. The judge has the authority to sentence whatever he deems appropriate within the limits of the law. The jerk off Sheriff decided that she'd had enough and let her out after 3 days. That pissed the judge off so he threw her back in jail.

This isn't Oklahoma circa 1840, the sheriff doesn't get to let you out of jail whenever he thinks you learned your lesson.

Do I feel bad for her? Sure. But 45 days from now she'll be a millionaire again and I'll still be making 12 bucks an hour, so no, not really. But let's examine the facts anyway.

Fact: she was pulled over not once, but twice for driving on a suspended license. And you know those weren't the only two times she drove when it was suspended. She probably drove around thinking her shit didn't stink, but guess what?

Fact: all shit stinks. You can eat a bouquet of flowers, but when it comes out the other end it's gonna smell like shit.

Fact: any sentence less than 24 months is served in a county jail. Nobody in there raped anybody. She's not going to Riker's Island. She's in there with a few prostitutes and a bunch of old ladies who got caught forging prescriptions. And she's in the Beverly Hills jail. There's probably like 9 black people in there. I could do 45 days there standing on my head.

Fact: this is the best thing that could ever happen to her "career". She does the 45 days, she gets a few people feeling sorry for her, she comes out and bingo she's Hugh Grant. If she did 3 days then spent the next 40 pool side at her mansion people would be pissed off.

Fact: the punishment may be harsh, but let's not lose site of the fact that she's actually guilty.


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