1 comments Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Want to score chicks the easy way? All you need is an extra pair of socks, a turtleneck, an open mind, a bra and some removable tape.

Step 1) give yourself a clean shave.
Step 2) tape your penis to your leg.
Step 3) put the bra on and stuff it with the socks.
Step 4) put on the turtleneck to hide your Adam’s apple
Step 5) show up at a lesbian bar or hang out.

To prove my theory I put it to the test. Here is what happened:

I show up at this bar in my costume. I walk around for a minute, feeling the place out. I spot a femme at the bar and approach. "What's your name?" she asks me. "Judy" I says, "but you can call me Big Girl." Another one walks over and tries to squeeze in on my action, so I get in her face. "Back off, honey. This one's with me."

We go back to her place and cut right to the chase. I'm down there doing the lesbian thing to her vagina with my tongue. It's dark, she's butt naked and I'm down to my bra and panties. I got her all worked up and I say something like "I wish I had a penis, the things I'd do to you." She's moaning and groaning "Oh yeah, Judy yeah." So I tell her "say it, say you wish I had a penis." Now she thinks we're playing a kinky game or something and she blurts out "Oh yeah, I wish you had a great BIG GIANT COCK." "Whoa, slow down honey, let's not be greedy. You want a penis or not?"

2 comments Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Have you ever walked past a crazy bum who is talking to himself and he interrupts his own conversation to ask you for change? It's weird because rarely do you see a bum having a laid back "how's the weather" type of conversation with himself. Most of these conversations are pretty intense, end of the world kind of stuff. Not the type of thing you'd think they'd want to interrupt. I don't understand it. I don't understand how these crazy bums think.